The movie I started watching early this morning was over. I tell myself it is time to get off of my lazy butt and go for a bike ride. I really need to get my butt in gear; the race I plan to compete in is only about a month away...I really need to register for it, yet.
So, I gather my pack, my hat and my shoes, and make my way back to the couch to retrieve my phone. That is when I lose the momentum and sit down. I set the timer on my phone and tell myself, "Just 15 minutes."
So, I lay down, and the mind gets going, the emotions get stirring, and the tears start falling. My second bout of tears in two days. The alarm on my phone goes off and instead of getting up I find myself mindlessly playing games on my phone as I think to myself that I am just wasting yet another day.
But God is there and he knows my heart's desire. He gives me time to make my own decision before he intervenes. A text. It's my good friend; the one I just reached out to yesterday during my little meltdown. She informs me that she is vicariously exercising through me today. I think to myself, "Not with me slumped on the couch playing games on my phone." This is the motivation I need to get moving again.
I've been making a list. One I actually started about a year ago and abandoned. Its a list of gifts from God; of things that put a little smile on my face and a bit of peace and joy in my spirit. I am able to come up with 5 more gifts to add to my list on this hour long bike ride. Exercise for the well-being of my body and an awareness of God's presence for the well-being of my soul.
I don't understand why I am sensitive to depression, but I am. Between the fears of what readers of my book will think, struggles in lives of people I love, and the condition of our world these days; not to mention the pain I've been dealing with in my foot and hip; depression is weighing heavy on my heart, it is depriving me of sleep and taking away my motivation.
I want to keep it to myself. I want to be "normal." I don't want to weigh anybody down with my burdens. But God tells me otherwise. He keeps that desire in me to share strong and he blesses me when I obey. It always amazes me.
I have had some tell me, after reading my book, that they can relate to my struggles; they have been inspired and encouraged by my words; they thank me for having the courage to share. Sharing is hard, but it takes a load off. Sharing not only helps get my feet back under myself, it allows me to be a blessing to others. Wait! There is more! Sharing my struggles give others the opportunity to experience the joy of being a blessing to me. It truly is a great joy when something you say or do lifts the spirit of another.
I have been blessed by shared devotions and the obedient sharing of an entire chapter of a book; God put a nudging in her heart to do so. I have been blessed with prayers of others, and giant hugs, physical and digital. Even just a smile that says I'm here for you, or a simple gentle, reassuring touch can do a world of good to someone who is feeling down.
Sharing is something we have to learn to do, and it can be hard, for many different reasons. Take it one step at a time. It can simply start with just a smile, then go from there. Life is meant to be shared. God did not intend for us to do life alone.
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him." (Genesis 2:18)
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