I was so nervous as I stood there in front of my fairly new church family. My body was literally shaking and my heart was pounding so hard I was sure that everyone there could hear it. I was about to reveal some of my deepest secrets with these people that I was just really getting to know.
That was about ten years ago. I was in the beginning stages of confronting some issues in my life, and it was time to do some confessing and to share with my fellow Christians what God was doing in my life. I had written my testimony in the form of a story about the Life of One Woman. That story was the beginning of my (for lack of a better term) writing career. Writing became a form of therapy for me as I've battled with depression. It helped me express myself when the verbal words just wouldn't come. It gave me the courage to reach out and ask for help.
Over the last ten years I have spent many hours pouring my heart out onto paper in the form of stories, poems, songs, and letters from God. And as my collection started to build I started to get the idea in my head to put them all together in a book. So, that is what I did; I bought this simple white quilted-front journal and I wrote down every creative writing in that journal. I made sure to include the background story of each of my writings, and I titled the journal Me and God. I thought that was going to be as far as I took the book idea; a personal collection of my writings that I would share with whoever would listen; that was usually when I shared them in church.
The idea of writing and publishing a book started to become more of a serious dream of mine over the past year or so. So with a lot of doubt and fear I slowly worked on turning that journal into an actual book. Then few months ago I took the big plunge and I bought a publishing package. That meant there was no turning back. The doubts and fears that came with writing this book amplified.
I submitted my book about a week ago; it is actually in the process of being published. I am so excited, but I still have my doubts and fears because this book is more than a collection of my creative writings. In between those writings I have shared the story of my walk through depression. I decided to share some very personal things in this book because, well, quite frankly, I am just tired of hiding who I am. Depression can make you feel so alone. I know at times I felt like I was the only one dealing with certain issues. I felt like I was just overreacting about things. Depression can cause you to feel foolish and shameful about thoughts you think, and attitudes you have.
I learned that with each confession there came a sense of peace, and a new ability to focus. Each time I reached out to someone that I trusted and new would love me through there followed a new hope and determination. I also learned that being vulnerable with a trusted loved one develops a special bond between you. It can inspire and encourage others as they watch you work through those hard times. It gives others the opportunity to receive the blessing of being a blessing.
So, I decided to share my personal story because I want anyone who is struggling to know that they
are not alone. We are really not that unique. There are many out there struggling with a lot of the same issues. And, I decided to share my story because I want others to experience God at work as they see how he has and continues to walk with me every step of the way.
It is my hope that when you pick up my book that you will not focus on the details of MY story but that you will really focus on they way that God can and will work in your life if you will just let him. It is my hope that this book will either inspire you to really strive at developing a more intimate relationship with God, or if you have not yet asked him to be a part of you life that you will be inspired to even just consider letting him in. Just take is one step at a time, I promise you will not be disappointed. He loves you and longs to wrap his loving, caring, protective, comforting arms around you.
